He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
