That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
