Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
