I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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