It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
