and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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