you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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