how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
