Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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