I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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