the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
