I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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