Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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