I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
