non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
vagina is talking i cant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just had sex on a roof
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
