Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
