You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
