ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
