my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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