my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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