So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
