"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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