I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
