living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
