Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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