best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
