can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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