I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
