Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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