oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize