I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
