I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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