Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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