So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
