too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
