Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
