So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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