I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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