Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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