Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
