guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
