Will you blow on my dice?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
