dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
