im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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