Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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