I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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