Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
