Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
