you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
