Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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