420 ftw
Soap is not a condiment
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
