i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
