so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
