I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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