All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
