Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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