This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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