just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize