its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
