I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
