Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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