You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
