oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
