"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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