Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was CRYING into my vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
