I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I understand Curling. That high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize